Recently, I have talked about a topic, "getting married and divorced," with my friends several times. I believe this is pretty serious problem these days because people consider them very easy and tremendous numbers of people decide to get divorce if they have conflict each other. While I was looking for an article about this week's topic, psychological therapy, I found two therapists: Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. These two married couple founded the Gottman Institute and worked to help couples who were struggling and about to get divorced. They examined about 3000 married couples and established a private therapy called "the Gottman Therapy." This therapy is now issued in States and even in worldwide; two therapists visited Asia in April and held presentation and workshops.
In contrast to any other couple therapies exisiting in this society, the Gottman's study is very unique. They record every conversations that the couples are having. While doing that, they also record patients' pulse, respiration, changes in their expression for every 0.01 seconds. They continued to research this changes for every 6 months in 20 years. Then, they brought the diffterences between happy and unhappy domesticity. Then, as a result, they bruoght the personality never influence on their conflicts; they said the criticism, contempts, and defensive behavior make the matter worsen.
After I read about these two therapists and their study, I felt that this therapy might help people a lot and help them to find the solution before they would get divorced, because everything would be recording between those couples.
2 comments:
Divorce does not raise eyebrows anymore. It is considered quite normal and acceptable. There is a huge number of divorces in this society nowadays. If you look at the current statistics of divorce rates, one out of two Americans end up in divorce. That's a lot of people getting divorced. Because it is such a common trend, divorces does not have that much affect on people to enter into new relationships, whereas many decades ago, it was hard to get back into a relationship after going through a divorce, that's even if it was allowed. Many women back then couldn't get a divorce even if they wanted to due to the consideration of their children and mostly because of no independent reasons. Back then, the women were not able to support their families and only the men could, but now since both men and women are solely independent and either could support the family, they are able to make decisions far more easily since support is not the issue anymore. Most people now randomly bump into someone and within a day go straight to another relationship easily. Few people don't have any problems at all with getting into another relationships. Some make decisions too soon which causes them to regret later and have to deal with divorce issues. Some use therapy to help with their relationships, but for others even that does not work. Studies show that some children can be affected too later on in life when they go through a marriage. The brain of the kids is like a foam & it absorb any things happen around it, so when the kids see that their parents had a divorced they don't know what to do and they don't know whether it is a good thing to do or not. Kids might see their parents fighting or yelling st each other & they might find it normal & they will do the same when they grow older. It reveals that if parents are divorced, then their children are more likely to be divorced too. Now that doesn't go for all children but it could affect them in other ways as well.
http://www.divorce-papers.org/children/
I feel this topic has come up a lot between my friends and me as well. Like the last commenter said, it has become so commonplace for people to get a divorce as soon as things get tough. Gottman's website says the divorce rate is about 50%. While I understand that back in the day, it was harder to do, and less socially acceptable, I still think that couples tried harder to stay together. I disagree that children of divorced couples are more likely to divorce. My mom has been married several times (and divorced), and instead of seeing divorce as a solution, I think that I will try harder in a relationship, though never having been married, I cannot say forsure that I wont get a divorce.
I think that my generation will help bring down the divorce rate, because we were the generation that grew up seeing how people saw it as one of many solutions, rather than a last resort.
Gottmans study and therapy hopefully will hopefully influence many people, couples and psychologists alike, to study and fix relationships rather than resorting to the easy fix of divorce.
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