A Nation of Wimps

In this article based on her book "A Nation of Wimps", Hara Estroff Marano talks about the negative effects of parental mollycoddling on children. She interprets high levels of stress in children as being induced by an environment that encourages knowing over learning, and being scholastically strong over learning from making mistakes.

I understand her point of view: Overbearing parents could give children the impression that there is something wrong with how they approach problems or try new things because they don't know how they are done. If not encouraged to try---if the parent simply does whatever the child needs for them----they feel they shouldn't bother trying. Not practicing something---getting it wrong over and over again until it's right---would lead to an inability to make decisions and to deal with new problems. And in a society with SATs (and other general testing) and global competition (and, as Marano points out, the belief that this global chess board is a cut-throat game with better educated players competing against you), helicopter parents are not what growing children need; they require room to grow and breathe and find out for themselves where they want to be and where they want to go.

This principal of "laissez faire" (to a reasonable extent) reminds me of a section in "Invitation to Psychology" regarding how children learn language. They speak incorrectly for years, figuring out how the grammar structure works, playing with words and phrases, being adventurous in expressing themselves. Parents correcting every error does not help them, and is pointless ultimately because, with proper exposure, even children without parental editing learn their language. The point is that children learn on their own through trial and error---they are allowed and encouraged to make mistakes because each new "level of wrong" brings them closer to one that is "right".

Stressing about getting straight As is ridiculous. Worrying about being perfect in college is equally pointless: Good grades do not guarantee a good job out of school; neither does personality; nor talent. (It is usually a combination of the three.) Mainly, it is important for teachers and hovering parents to understand that children are supposed to be wrong, confused and ignorant. They are meant to struggle and fall and skin their knees (within reason) in order to get back up again and, in Edison's terms, learn how NOT to make a lightbulb.