What does it mean to be "adult" today?

In this article, author Barbara Ray compares the expectations of adults by the Baby Boomer generation with those of current grown-ups. In the 70s/80s, Adults went to college, took jobs, got married and had a child (or children) by age 25. Nowadays, with dwindling factory work opportunities and a sinking economy, more kids attend college and then live with their parents as explore the job market before possibly going back to school for more training.

As a result, "feeling adult" is experienced only in certain situations, in increments, and off and on, according to interviews Ray held with current twenty-somethings.

There is an article in "Invitation", where the author describes the shift in values occurring from generation to generation. The example used in the book referred to pregnancy of a woman in her sixties. Some people considered the prospect of her raising her daughter at such an age extremely difficult, and possibly damaging for the child. However, with increased longevity among the population of industrial nations, expectations of a certain age group are liable to change. But prolonged lifespans are not the sole factors on the playing field of social change: Economic situations, education, expectations of past and present generations, politics, gender roles... How we view ourselves as men or women, children or adults, is affected as much by what changes as what does not. In the current environment, how we view ourselves---and are viewed by those around us---as adults is understandably complicated.

Given the circumstances of today, where competition comes from all over the world, college education is almost always a requirement for a successful career, and the economic situation is difficult, independence, as understood by the Baby Boomer generation, may not seem possible immediately after school. With college loans to pay and a small number of available (and well-paying) jobs (either because a company is downsizing or hiring cheaper overseas labor), living with your parents is not so much a "failure to launch" as an "inability" to do so. This makes me wonder, is one a child as long as one lives with one's parents or is financially dependent on them?

I used to assume that adulthood was something you grew into---or rather, spent a lot of time growing into---like buying a shirt that was too big for you, just to put it on every year to see if it fit yet. Now, I think the shirt grows or shrinks along with me, as my perception of what an adult really is shifts too. My ideas of a grown-up (and my parents) took on the characteristics of gods: Infallible, independent, all-knowing, mentoring, tolerant, wise, empathic...

Reality is different, and more jarring. Those we term "adults" are still occasionally childlike and immature, and as we get older our parents lose their high positions as their children drag them down by their fallibility. Being "adult", I conclude, is not so much a state of being, but an action. You are adult when you behave maturely, when you act in accordance with your aspirations or expectations of that role. What is an adult: a good parent, a soldier, a businessman/-woman, a volunteer, a college graduate, an at least 18 year-old? Labels are immaterial, and only make you feel worse because you cannot fulfill them all. Ask yourself instead: What do I want to be like? How will I feel good about myself? What will make me happy?

Being a grown-up in the modern age shouldn't be about meeting other people's expectations; that's not very independent, after all. Find a lifestyle within the available perimeters of today's society that gives you stability of mind, and allows you to stick to your principles while reaching for your goals. Worry about "image" with white picket fences, marriage and kids when you have the money and the time, instead of irresponsibly conforming to a general concept of happiness.